Video game developers achieved some spectacular heights in 2013 –games that entertained, enlightened, and elevated the medium.
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These are not those games.
These are the losers, the stinkers, the games that wasted the time and money of everyone involved. These games aren’t just boring or buggy, but fundamentally broken: They’re not so bad they’re good, they’re so bad it’s offensive.
I’ve taken this list from Metacritic’s ranking of the best games of 2013. The editors of that site compile scores from multiple web sites, and assign every new game a “Metascore” that captures the feelings of top reviewers. I scraped that article for the bottom-feeders and picked out the ones that made me laugh.
To provide a little context: the average Metascore for all games in 2013 was 69 out of 100, indicating “ Generally Favorable Reviews.” The top ranking games of the year were Grand Theft Auto V with a score of 97; The Last of Us (95); BioShock Infinite (94); Super Mario 3D World Wii U (94); and Fire Emblem: Awakening (92).
The average ranking of the five games below? 21 out of 100.
Ride to Hell: Retribution
Developer: Deep Silver
Sample Review: ”Ride to Hell: Retribution is a spectacular monument to failure. If failure were Paris, Ride to Hell would be the Arc de Triomphe… At some point, the people working on the game realized they didn’t have the skill to pull off any of their grand designs, so they shamefully cobbled together all the assets and mechanics they had into a disjointed, confusing, barely finished game. It’s like if you backed over your cat in the driveway, then duct-taped it back together and tried to convince all your friends it was still alive.” -EGM
Sample Review: “At one point, I stopped flailing mid-match in order to take some notes. As I stood perfectly still and typed on my phone about how awful this game is, my character continued to attack my opponent without any intended input from me.” -Gameinformer
Double Dragon II: Wander of the Dragons
Developer: Cyberfront Korea
Sample Review: ”The interactive equivalent of irritable bowel syndrome and one of the most bizarrely awful video games ever made.” -Metro GameCentral
Fast & Furious: Showdown
Sample Review: “This feels like the bare minimum for what it takes to be a racing game. Are there cars? Yes. Is it interactive? Yes. Is it possible to complete? Yes. Is there even the slightest modicum of entertainment to be found within its soulless shell? Absolutely not.” -IGN
R.I.P.D. The Game
Sample Review: “R.I.P.D., much like the movie of the same name, is about the afterlife, and thus it’s appropriate that playing it is like suffering through a little version of hell.” -Gamespot
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