Worried that civilization is about to collapse? Do you fear invasion by zombies or aliens? Society might sink into an abyss of savagery and lawlessness, mobs might howl outside your gate, but at least you won’t run out of food thanks to this Costco emergency food stockpile for the low, low price of $3,999.99.
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Apocalypse or not, how in heaven’s name could a grocery list possibly cost $4,000? The answer is 30,144 servings of freeze-dried and dehydrated food, enough to feed four people for a year, according to Costco’s description. You get 378 cans of food, divided into grains, fruits and vegetables, dairy, protein and miscellaneous. The menu includes flour, rice, elbow macaroni, broccoli, raspberries, beans, fruit drink and lots of textured vegetable protein in flavors like beef and sausage. And for extra peace of mind, your food package “arrives on a pallet that is black-wrapped for security and privacy.” So your neighbors won’t storm your house after the zombies cut off the food supply (nor will they point at your bunker and laugh).
I resemble as a gastronome as much as a Big Mac resembles Kobe beef, but the list of foods reminds me of a cross between the scrumptious emergency rations so beloved by American soldiers, and the kind of food I devoured as a college student (thankfully there are no cheap frozen burritos or hot dogs – the collapse of civilization does have some advantages).
Everyone should have some food stockpiled for an emergency such as floods and earthquakes (or zombies and aliens, if you are so inclined). But if America has been so damaged that it can’t feed its people for an entire year, one has to wonder from where will come the medicine, fuel, and spare parts that will at least make life bearable if not pleasant. Perhaps there comes a point when a disaster becomes so catastrophic that you simply can’t prepare for it.
Living on taco-flavored textured vegetable protein for a year? Thanks, but I’ll probably climb out of the bunker and turn myself over to the zombies. At least they’ll enjoy their meal.